It is extremely difficult to keep our minds on things above when our sole focus is on everything going on around us. Things such as the demands associated with being married and having children.
A huge mistake a woman can make is allowing the demands to overtake her. We are meant to manage our homes while remembering everything we do, is to do be done to the glory of God. ( 1 Corinthians 10:31 ) So, to be overtaken by demands is our first indication we are trying to operate on our own strength or our own understanding, which ultimately throws us off emotionally. This causes us to feel frustrated or angry. Yet if we are caring for our family with the mindset of pleasing God, then we would seek His will over trying to obtain our own will.
It is hard to downshift by handing over control when we have demanded control for so long in our homes. We expect our homes to look a certain way, our kids to behave, expect alone time with our spouse and if rules are not followed, we become upset due to the control of the home being lost.
As a mother of four I use to pray that God would calm my kids, but the truth is, He showed me I was the one in need of calming. See, the mistake I kept making was comparing my womanhood to the women around me. I saw their lives in order and my life in chaos. I saw organized homes, well-behaved kids, and then when I looked at my life I just didn’t see where I measured up. It didn’t matter how hard I tried, my house always looked lived in while I continued to look tired. I couldn’t understand how these women had the energy to look flawless, have a clean home and still have well-behaved children. What were they doing that I wasn’t? How could I become that type of woman for my family?
When we look to the left then to the right and compare ourselves to others, we will never be happy with who we are as a person. We don’t need to try to be like others in order to hold what we think they have. We only know what they allow us to see. We don’t know what they had to go through to get to where they are. Keep in mind, sometimes the package looks perfect but the gift inside is broken…
In order to be a right-minded woman, we must not compare ourselves to others. God called us to be ourselves because He wants to use our unique ways for His glory. What we see as flaws He sees as potential. You were the perfect woman for your husband and the perfect woman to raise your children. No one else can do what you do for your family. Where you are right now is exactly where you are supposed to be. What you do with the time God grants you on earth, is the difference between making an impact in your families life or defeating them before they are old enough to leave your home. It is our duty to be a helpmate to our husband and an example worth following to our children. According to Psalm 90:12, our days are numbered and we have no time to waste on trying to be someone other than who we were called to be.
To be the right-minded woman who doesn’t allow herself to be overtaken by the demands around her, must quit listening to the opinions of others.
Ladies, we will always have opinions shared about how we should be living or conducting ourselves in our home, but not all opinions are accurate. Look at the source of where those opinions are coming from. If they are coming from friends in unhappy marriages or from a divorced and bitter woman, then those opinions may not be from a source you should be taking seriously. It is easier for people to look in from the outside and share what they see as the core issue than it is to be the receiver of what they see. It may be that they see something in you, that they themselves struggled with, but never conquered.
When we listen to the opinions of others and receive them as truths of who or how we are, then we begin trying to live up to the standards of their beliefs held. It becomes difficult to remain composed and calm when we entertain the opinions others hold about us. Most of the time, opinions are given but change drastically, depending on which emotion is felt by the one offering advice. See, in their thinking, they believe they are helping you. Are they really helping you, if you take everything they think as truths of who you are? No, this only puts you in constant conflict within yourself warring and questioning every move you make, hoping to not disappoint the trusted individual that you seek approval or acceptance from. You will find your days are spent trying to obtain the standard of living someone expects of you, but you will hear constantly how wrong you are doing it.
Ladies, some of you reading are so tired and emotionally exhausted because you work so hard to please those around you, but at the end of the day, you question why your needs aren’t met. If your day is spent micromanaging your household by nagging your husband or yelling at your kids, then no one will be comfortable approaching you to even notice you hold unmet needs. They will do everything they can to be away from your smothering ways. They will interpret your caregiving methods as anger instead of love. Keep in mind, you are the lady of the house, so to listen to another lady telling you how to run your home is your first clue that if you take what she says as truths, then you may be living for her approval. You can spend your entire life trying to gain approval, but if she truly approved of you, she would mind her own business.
In order to be a right-minded woman, you must keep a distance from opinionated people. Their views of you need to align with God’s views of you in order to even be considered. If their views don’t align with God’s views of you, then don’t entertain what is said. This alleviates you from trying to obtain approval that you may never receive. There are some people we aim to please who are unpleasable.
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The right-minded woman doesn’t allow herself to be overtaken by demands around her. She keeps herself composed and calm at all times. She meets the demands she can while leaving the ones she can’t in God’s hands. She holds a quiet surety and confidence in Christ, that enables her the strength needed to carry on.
Her days are busy doing God’s will above her own will. Those around her seek guidance so they too can become like her. She doesn’t grow weary in well, doing but rather it motivates her continuation.
She readies herself in preparations for future problems that may arise. She educates herself to better care for her family. She teaches the younger females how to carry on long after she leaves this earth.
Her days are not spent on idol things. She purposely plans the moments of the day to be used wisely. She doesn’t allow distractions.
She takes the resources coming in and uses each part of them. There is no waste of resources as waste is not a word in her vocabulary.
She keeps herself learned Biblically and her clothing attire is modest. Her humble ways produce greatness around her. She is a doer and giver of the heart.
She never allows her mind to wander. She keeps her thoughts in captivity as a means to discern each thought coming through.
People come to her seeking help, she gives as she can. Her priorities are God, family, others, and then herself. She holds no selfish tendencies. She is far from perfect but doesn’t seek perfection. She seeks to do God’s will and holds a servant’s heart.
She holds no need to be the center of attention. She is content to do for others by the works of her hands. Glory is not what she seeks but rather knowing that her family is well cared for.
She holds no time for anger as anger holds her back from the capability needed to care for those around her. Her needs are met by God as she doesn’t seek those around her to meet her needs.
She is content in all her ways. She appreciates every moment allowed on earth and sees it as opportunities to continue the good works God started in her.
Her days are filled with words of praise and a grateful heart. She uses the blessings given to her to bless others around her. She expects nothing for her kindness. Her approval is sought from God, not from those around her. She’s quiet and meek. When she speaks, people listen. Her words spoken hold knowledge and truth.
She stays close to God while keeping the world far from her. She is a testimony of strength, beauty, and graciousness. She does not put herself in a position to become a wrong-minded woman.
Many of us think it is impossible in the modern times we live in to be like the virtuous woman found in Proverbs 31:10-31. It is not as hard as one might think. I wrote a book teaching how to be the right-minded woman. It takes a lot of surrendering, a lot of prayers, discipline in our minds and tongues and accountability helps greatly. I will be sharing a series of teachings on how to become a right-minded woman on this site. If you want to learn more, please follow this page and sign up by email to be a part of this free series.