Day: October 16, 2020

Let Not Your Heart Be Troubled #2 Waiting for the wound to heal:

Each of us hold hidden wounds. Some of us can talk about them but most of us keep them pushed down. The problem with pushing them down is that they resurface. Once they surface we unknowingly wound underserving people around us with our words or behavior.

Those who hold emotional wounds tend to come from an upbringing that lacked affection. So as they get older they attach themselves to others seeking to heal. They seek approval in numerous ways. It may be through the job they hold or by the love they offer. Did you catch that? They are offering love but grew up in a home lacking affection. How do they offer something they never learned?

They hold an illusion in their thinking of what love is and act upon it. This is where their emotional wounds received as a child now influence the love they offer as an adult. Not being taught what love is, they tend to fabricate an ideology of what they think love is and what it should be, by piecing together times they felt loved. Normally it was moments of praise or affirmation by a trusted individual outside of the family. They learned early on to attribute praise as affection. This was carried into relationships as they grew older. So to be praised meant love and affection but without constant praise they questioned why they weren’t lovable.

In order to feel loved all the time instead of sometimes, they began pursuing differently. Some became controlling in an attempt to avoid pain. Along with controlling they began demanding affection. Usually they would become extremely affectionate in hopes of the affection being returned back to them, the way they offered it. When it wasn’t returned in the same manner, this made them feel rejected, which deepened the wound they already carried. Some were known to resort to begging for attention but in the process they were ignoring their own needs in order to better meet the needs of the one they sought love from. It is a destructive cycle for one to find themselves in as sometimes they believe obstacles must be overcome in order to be loved.

Subconsciously they expect to be abandoned or hurt by those they love and are constantly looking for the signs. You know, the motives or hidden agendas behind everything the person does. They do this so they aren’t caught off guard, yet fail to realize the wound that needs healing started long before the relationship they are in. Unfortunately they issue blame onto their partner for not loving them as they should be loved. If they aren’t being praised they interpret it as they aren’t good enough, then turn around and resent the person because nothing they do is good enough to please the one they love most. They then begin seeking praise outside of the relationship in order to feel self worth. These old wounds keep reopening each time the person feels rejected.

If today’s read applies to you, keep in mind we all love differently. To expect love returned to you the same way you offered it is an unfair expectation to place on someone. Not all of us speak the same love language. Some use words, others use touch, gifts or acts of service.

You are loved and valuable whether you feel it or not. Sometimes we become hyper sensitive to something that was nothing. Whether it was said or done to us , we will interpret differently depending on what we feel at the moment, the circumstance we find ourselves in, or the unmet needs we carry.

Your wound will begin healing when you don’t allow what you feel to become your logic. Your feelings can have you thinking you must convince others of your love, when in reality you are simply trying to convince yourself that you are loveable. Those around you already know, that’s why they stick around. Accept the love you are being offered without expecting it to be shown the way you show it…

Let not your heart be troubled.

Blessings,

Robin Worgull