Marriage season is upon us. Some of you reading are already married while others are about to take steps down the aisle. I encourage each of you reading to remember where you came from as we don’t always know where we will end up. We can make the best of plans but when life happens sometimes we find detours to our plans. Experience has taught me to remember where I came from so I appreciate where God leads me.
Some of you grew up in abusive or broken homes. This is not something anyone wants to remember but your experience can help others as you make your way through life’s journey. You hold the choice of offering what was offered to you as a child to someone undeserving or offering how you overcame what you experienced to someone struggling with the same struggle. Not everything said or done to us throughout life was fair but we have no right passing our hurt onto others.
When we go into marriage, some of us carry baggage from our past. Depending on what that baggage holds will determine what we can offer our spouse. We can only offer what we hold to give. If we are holding pain and sorrow then unknowingly that is what we will offer and unfortunately it won’t be interpreted as loving.
People who carry doubts and fears into a marriage will struggle with building communication. While trying to express themselves they may unknowingly be pointing the finger of blame instead of getting their point across in a constructive manner. To the one listening it can feel as if they can do nothing right and are always in the wrong. This is not to say that’s what the person wanted interpreted, but our words are interpreted the way we feel at the moment. This means, if we feel attacked we react defensively. If we feel loved and accepted we tend to pour our heart out without fear of rejection. In marriage your words must be chosen wisely because sometimes our words take us in the wrong direction , when we think we are on the right road.
We need to be on the road to love at all times. 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 reminds us that love is kind, long suffering, it doesn’t envy or boast. It isn’t rude, self seeking or easily angered. It keeps no record of wrong doings. It delights in truth but never in evil. It protects, trusts, hopes , preserves and never fails.
Don’t be deceived thinking love is simply a feeling. Love is a commitment. It is hard to commit to someone and offer the love described above when our focus is solely on ourselves and what we feel at the moment. Emotions should never be used as your logic because emotions come and go quickly. Usually it is something hurtful from our past that triggers them.
If you can remember who you are during each moment of marriage, then you can better respond to each situation you encounter. For those of you who know Christ as your personal savior then Romans 8:15 is who you are regardless of where or what you came from. “For ye have not received the spirit of bondage again to fear; but ye have received the spirit of adoption, whereby we cry , Abba, Father.” (This means the Holy Spirit places the believer as a child in God’s family. You just became an heir of the Royal family. You are a child of God and heir to all He holds.)
You no longer get to wallow in self- pity over how your life was or what was done to you because now it is your duty to conduct yourself as part of the Royal family. To represent your Father to a broken world that has lost hope. You need to tell them who your Father is and how he took you out of bondage and made you an heir to all he holds. Remember, this world is not your home. You belong to the Kingdom of God in Heavenly places. We are simply temporary residents just passing through. 1 Chronicles 29:15.
So as you take those steps down the aisle, remember your tiara and where it came from. So that you conduct yourself with kindness before making the commitment to someone standing in front of you, who also is just passing through. Pass through together, united and predetermined to live for God and not for yourselves. That is the secret to a long and happy marriage.