Some of you men reading seek changes in yourself, your wife and marriage. 1John 5:14 is our reminder that if we ask anything according to His will, He will hear us. Men, I encourage you to ask the Lord to reveal His will to you, if you are not already doing so.
Many of you feel defeated in so many areas because no matter what you say or do; leads to no difference in your marriage. Hurt and communication remain core issues. You are not as powerless as you might feel…
I take a moment to remind you that we women hold intricate needs that even we don’t fully understand at times, and to try to explain something we can’t comprehend fully can be rather discouraging. We constantly are trying to find that sweet balance between being an attentive wife and loving mother. We face fears of both titles held. (Either we aren’t being a good enough wife or we are failing as a mother.) We’re watching ourselves change both physically and emotionally. Our faces and bodies are aging as quickly as the children we are trying to raise. We find that after the house and kids are managed we were unable to get around to managing ourselves as we should have. We find ourselves discouraged if we look frumpy or discouraged if we doll up and no one noticed. (Sometimes there’s just no winning with us.) We often find that no matter how hard we try to be attentive and nurturing there is always someone unhappy with us at the end of the day. Someone expected something other than what we could offer. This tends to put us in an emotional conflict… Where’s the balance? We don’t get sick days or the ability to resign from the positions assigned to us as wife and mother. (When we throw in the towel it usually lands in the washing machine… Giving up is not an option in our thinking.) We can’t always see the fruits of our labor because our numerous thoughts of doubt and self-insecurities compete for first place.
Most of us women feel guilty at the end of the day. We feel as if we neglected our husband or one of our children in order to meet the overwhelming tasks of the day. No one acknowledges when they reach for a clean towel after bathtime that someone took the time to wash/fold and put away all linens. No one saw the planning or prepping of dinner two hours before it was placed on the table at dinner time. The groceries in the kitchen didn’t magically appear, someone went to purchase them after squirreling in the aisles trying to get the best deal to save the household money. That someone took the time to be considerate and pick out favorite items each member enjoys having around. The bathroom in my home has never held the ability to clean itself. It required getting down on my hands and knees to scrub. I have lost count how many times toilet water splashed up in my face or how many times I cleaned out the drain so the water drained faster… We women are always looking for new and better ways to bring comfort and please our household in an attempt to keep tension out of the home.
At the end of the day our need to talk drives a wedge between us and our husband. We simply were looking for a little comfort in return after giving comfort all day. What we get instead is contention. Yes, a heated disagreement begins. (That comfort sought was more important than you men may realize.)
See, the devil likes to dig his claws into us women throughout the day. He begins by pointing out our flaws, our insecurities and highlighting our fears of the possibility that our husband may lose interest or leave us, due to us not being the youthful woman we were twenty years ago or holding the same level of energy as back then. We then begin to emotionally torture ourselves by clinging to every hurtful thing spoken to us, in an attempt to figure out how to win back the heart of our husband. We think if we rehearse the conversation we may recognize what we can do to gain value in our husband’s eyes again so that he is pleased with us instead of disappointed. Yes, men, the devil feeds us women these lies daily and for reasons unbeknown to me we fall for them each time. We each should hold a formal degree by how good we have gotten at studying your tone, words, body language, and actions. Unfortunately, the lies the devil keeps feeding us has us concluding that you matter more to us than we matter to you… (Now imagine repeating this day in and day out over a long period of time. Those lies fed to us become our truths.)
Proverbs 18:22 is the reminder men, that God has found favor in you to have given you a wife. The two of you being joined as one brings blessings that you can’t obtain, apart. What affects one will affect the other. Your wife’s problems are yours and yours are hers. The way you pray for your wife is crucial to her well being. Let me remind you if her well being increased, so did yours and the marriage. It is imperative to use your spiritual authority given by the Lord himself, over your wife and marriage in prayer. Luke 10:19 reminds us we were given all the power over the enemy. The enemy has been torturing your wife in her thoughts pertaining to her womanhood and value.
On your wife’s behalf you should be destroying his plans against your wife through prayer, your words spoken and reactions took on your part. This means you need to lock it down in your mind that no matter what strategy the enemy throws at your wife and marriage, that you won’t tolerate a bully. You retaliate by getting on your knees in prayer and protect her as a loving husband should. Don’t tolerate room for the enemy to get a foothold in your home or marriage. Be predetermined not to tolerate allowing your wife to be deceived by the enemy’s lies thrown at her. You must be ready to defend her and protect her at any moment. You can do this by staying in prayer for her, asking the Lord to put a hedge of protection around her and reminding her where thoughts of doubt and fear come from. Reminding her of where she stands with you and the value you recognize in her.
Sometimes a woman needs to hear over and over the love, you carry for her. She needs not only to hear your words of comfort but also your approval. She needs to feel your arms of comfort holding her close. (To those of you who keep hearing leave me alone, don’t touch me; that simply translates to “please keep trying it is working and I need you.”) She needs to know with surety that no matter what; you have her back, you are on her side and you adore and cherish her; flaws and all. She needs recognition from you especially of all she has done for the family and reassurance continually. She needs to know that she is worth the fight on your knees for the marriage…
In order for her to feel confident in your arms of protection and comfort; all doubt must be removed if you hold any on your part. You must remove anything that threatens her womanhood or value as your wife. You can show something as simple as giving her your undivided attention while listening to her concerns, hurts, and desires she holds. Most of the time a woman who feels heard also feels loved. It is your duty and privilege to let her know your eyes are for her only and everything else can wait…
A woman who holds surety in her thinking of where she stands in her husband’s mind can either make her feel like she can conquer anything or can have her feeling defeated and living in complete misery. Don’t make the mistake of leaving her thoughts to chance in your marriage. Rather, convince her of your commitment through your tone, words, actions, and body language towards her. Don’t allow the enemy’s strategies to rob you of the gift God gave you which is a woman who wants to walk by your side through this life. Isaiah 54:17 needs to be your constant reminder that no weapon formed against your wife, you or your marriage can prosper.
Blessings to you,