Month: August 2017

Lesson 4 Stop trying to help those that refuse to help themselves:

Many people who struggle emotionally hold reasons for their struggles. There are many people who try to “people please”.  I myself,  for years have tried to please those around me,  yet not everyone chooses to be pleased. There are some people who choose to stay miserable and allow others to do for them what they should do for themselves.

Are you one who would do anything  to make a person’s situation easier if you could? Most of us would answer yes to that question. There is a huge mistake being made by some of us that is keeping us held back each time we help someone. We must take a good look at those we are trying to help and ask ourselves these questions…

Am I helping because they asked for help and I feel obligated? If you answer yes to this then I remind you ; you are not helping with a willing heart but rather a forced heart. This will show up in your demeanor towards them.  They are going to see your irritation by the body language you carry. My question to you is,   when are you going to see you are being manipulated by someone who cares more for their selfish needs than for the needs of others? If you feel obligated it is because this person makes you feel guilty if you don’t help… (True sign of a manipulator.)

Am I helping because they can’t help themselves?  Well now wait a minute… How do you know they can’t help themselves?  Have you witnessed their attempts or only heard the complaining from their lips that they have done everything possible but to no avail? These are the questions you need to hold answers for because there are some people who are just fine allowing others to do what they should do for themselves.  If you are willing to give they are willing to take.   Keep in mind,  there are some things in life we are not to help with because our help can hinder God’s plan in someone’s life.  If people always look to us to help them out of their crisis when are they going to look to God for help? Our help sometimes prevents people from seeking God because if we are willing to help they don’t see the need to go to God for help… Not all people who ask for help have done all they could for themselves. Why should they? They have found others to do it for them. Not only that but people have helped them for so long they have forgotten how to help themselves. (Maybe you should help them by allowing them to figure it out on their own.)

Am I helping because I have a need to be needed?  Who doesn’t love feeling  needed? That’s nice to feel at times… If you are seeking to help people because you  have a need to be needed then the truth is, they are helping you more than you are helping them.   See, some people hide behind others while claiming to be helping.  They hide behind the issues of someone else so they don’t have to look at their own issues… This turns ugly very quickly. Why? Because  as soon as the person no longer needs help, the person claiming to be helping is not done being needed and unknowingly creates upset in order to stay longer and help more. This is so destructive and unhealthy… Both parties feel obligated to try to help the other but really no one is receiving help.  It’s a vicious cycle of peddling hard but getting no where.

To those of you who help everyone with everything you need to know you are headed for a fall…I explain further…

People who offer help unknowingly seek to gain something. It may be they seek favor, approval, purpose, acceptance, involvement, attention, confidence, security, love, kindness or gentleness, etc.   Whatever it is they seek is an unmet need they hold. The mistake being made is they seek needs to be met by those they surround themselves around instead of allowing God to meet them.

When the ones they try to help reject their kindness, they see it as they are being rejected.  They turn around and come back stronger and more loving thinking a different approach will win approval they seek.  When their gifts,  labor of love and even their very presence is scoffed at ; it takes the wind right out of their sail… In other words they feel defeated because every attempt they made was not good enough to change the situation of someone they care deeply for. They begin to  question what is wrong with them and begin to self doubt because if someone would have offered the same to them it would of made a world of difference.  ( Sometimes what we offer to others we subconsciously  expect them to offer it back in return.  When they don’t, we question our value  in their eyes.)

The fall I spoke of is when the person  helping no longer holds the ability or the resources to continue helping;  and the ones they believed were receiving help don’t recognize the help given.  They saw  it as  they were helping you not you helping them… This is enough to turn the most loving person into a scornful  individual.  The hurt goes so deeply that recovery seems light years away…

If you are known to help others but are in need of help yourself;  get your life together first before trying to help someone else get theirs together… Some of us allow our pitcher to run  empty but offer out of habit.  A pitcher that is empty must be filled before we can pour a drink for someone. 

In order to break free from emotional struggles we must take an inward  look at ourselves before attempting to look at how we can meet the needs of others. Some people  have caused the situation they are in and us helping may hinder the divine plan God holds for them.  Not to mention , some of us are trying to help people who have become toxic to our health. (These people criticize you while you are trying to help them.  They are jealous of what you have. They play victim in every situation they run into and hold no interest in changing as they feel others are in need of change. Everything about their life holds some sort of drama and the  negativity bouncing off of them keeps you stressed out.) Are you making a difference for them or are they making you physically, emotionally and spiritually drained?  Think about that my friend, because God holds better living for you than that kind of lifestyle…

Please follow this page or follow me on twitter and please send me a friend request on Facebook! Let’s work together at getting the word out there that life can be easier than we tend to make it… Have a great weekend!!!

Blessings,

Robin Worgull                  Author of The Conflict Within  and  The Right – Minded Woman

Lesson 3 Negative programming:

Many of us make the mistake of not carefully screening the company we keep around us. Sometimes we are guilty of keeping the wrong company under the right intentions… In other words, we may spend time with friends or relatives because those are the people in life we are not suppose to turn our backs on, right? Let me ask a question… What if who you have been friends with becomes unhealthy to continue the relationships? Do you continue because love and time is already invested? What about unhealthy relationships with relatives? ( bloods thicker than water right?)  Today we examine further how unhealthy relationships sometimes become toxic to our health…

I think each of us can say with surety we all have kept company with people so full of negativity; that time spent with them had our central nervous system in an uproar. If you are prone to depression, you may ask yourself why do I keep going around certain people who hurt me to the core or why do I care about someone who really doesn’t care for me? Why do I keep subjecting myself to their mistreatment? My friend, the answer is quite simple… We tend to believe our love and kindness is enough to change hurtful people… Let me remind you, only God can change the hearts of others.

There are times we must distance ourselves from negative people for a time. This is us setting up a boundary making it known, we no longer will tolerate certain behaviors. Distance is necessary due to the fact that we often take on symptoms caused by their negativity. See, negative people tend to hold negative ideas that indirectly are teaching us to fear things they believe to be true, but rarely hold any truth at all. An example would be the person who makes their opinion on everything known and try to enforce their way as the only way.  Such as “you should not do that with your kids it instills weakness” or “don’t wear your hair that way it looks tacky. what will people say?” ( now imagine for a moment this is being said by someone you trust and believe will gain nothing by saying something to hurt you.. this could be a friend, sibling, parent , aunt, uncle, grandparent etc.) If we trust this person we may question if their comment holds truth and begin doubting what we thought was right. This means, as we correct our child we may hear their words in our head and change our methods which really only begins confusing the child being corrected;  because the way we always did it is now being corrected like someone in the family or how a friend corrects their child.  This is an indirect consequence of spending time with negative people.

Let me clarify… Negative people hold ideas in their thinking that becomes their beliefs. For us to spend time with them causes us to hear their repetitive beliefs that stemmed from ideas in their thinking. ( These ideas held were planted in their thinking by someone else they were around; possibly even by someone who raised them. They then were transferred onto us and expected to be our ideas held as well.)  Sometimes we have to politely say no thank you to things offered and this is one area to begin in. Their ideas do not need to become ours.

If you find yourself around someone who keeps your stomach in knots, fear to be felt such as disappointing them or losing their approval, anger to swarm inside of you, anxiety felt after time spent with them, and floods of self doubt overtake you; then you spent time with someone who is toxic to your health…  This person stressed you out…

Here we go…Stay with me:

Constant negative emotions keep us subjected to stress. Stress causes us to become more sensitive to stressful situations. Why?   Stress causes us to release a hormone called cortisol.  Cortisol  prepares our body for the  fight or flight response by flooding us with glucose. This is what allows immediate energy to our large muscles. Whenever we get a surge of cortisol, we get flooded with glucose, which increases our heart rate. (Personally, I always called this my superwoman adrenaline because it was during this immediate surge of energy I was capable of doing things that were normally unnatural for me to do. My body went into fight response yet other parts of my body felt anxious and scarred at the same moment.)

To continue spending time with people who stress us out can be toxic to our health… That stress releases cortisol. Anytime we have elevated levels of cortisol many things happen in the body. Listed below are a few of the possibilities:

Blood sugar imbalance/ diabetes/    Weight gain/ obesity     immune system suppression   Gastrointestinal problems  /      Insomnia  /    Chronic fatigue/    thyroid disorders /    dementia /        depression  /       and this list goes on and on…..

Take a good look at that list and see how many symptoms you hold from holding too much stress. As we have been going through lessons on how to be fearless and breaking free from upset, depression and anxiety; you owe it to yourself to screen the company you keep. Your health may be failing because of your commitment to toxic people… Distance yourself for a time in  order to pray and strengthen. Surrender these people over to God and let him work on their hearts, because my friend your love , commitment, and  investment in them is not enough to change their negative impact on your health…. Stress is known as the silent killer; distance is required in order to heal…

Blessings,

Robin Worgull          Author of The Conflict Within and The Right- Minded Woman

 

Fearless Lesson 2 : What goes in must come out

Self discipline as discussed last week is impossible if we straddle the fence. To straddle the fence means to keep one foot in the flesh (world) and to keep one foot in the spirit (biblical principles).

To obtain true self discipline in  mind, body and soul we don’t have the option of straddling the fence. To try to walk in the spirit and the flesh only causes a person to war within themselves… Anytime we war within, this means we battle within ourselves between partaking in things that are right or wrong. We are suppose to walk upright within the boundaries of biblical principles; not keeping our feet in the world and enjoying what it offers. It’s both feet in  not one foot in flesh and one foot in spirit.

Let me explain something… Light and darkness can not exist in the same room. A flicker of a candle,   lights one section of a dark room but a room full of light holds no darkness within it… Now, think of yourself as the room. Are you full of light or full of darkness?

See, what goes in must come out. If we fill ourselves full of God’s word and walk within the boundaries he set for us; he equips us with the ability to hold our heads up high and walk fearlessly.

If we fill ourselves with what the world offers which is darkness, upset, sorrow, hopelessness, and wickedness then we fall defeated to the very thing that once enticed us to take part in. Did you catch that?  We were enticed to partake in something intended to destroy us. How are we enticed to something so dark?  (When we were enticed it was because the devil offered something that appeared good or fun or exciting not dangerous.)

The world is a fallen world we live in with fallen people who have fallen away from God and lead by a fallen angel. The world does not hold goodness it holds pain, sickness (both physically and psychologically). It holds wickedness and sorrow. People become enticed to take part in it because when the devil offers a part of the world he doesn’t let the person see the danger that lies ahead;  because they are captivated by the beauty of what he made something appear to be.

Examples:   Take the man who lacks closeness and intimacy with his wife; the devil leads him to a site of naked women who are interested in his viewing and attention they receive from him. His wife feels betrayed, trust is lost and guilt and shame set in. He went from lonely to complete despair in a short time off of something that appeared might help him in his situation.

Take the woman who is trying to balance home, family, kids, husband and work but fatigue sets in. She is offered something by her doctor to reduce fatigue but instead of limiting herself to his instructions she takes more than allowed on the days she must be superwoman. Her fatigue is gone and her energy is increased but instead of being relieved she is angry as she sees her family as the cause of her fatigue and upset. Her desire to care from them is gone as she is too busy looking for a lifestyle that suits her better than the one she was blessed with.

Take the person struggling financially who prays faithfully that God increases their pay or supplements it… A job offer comes through but little do they know the devil intends to use this job to harm them either physically or further financially.

The devil uses openings we allow him and will present something that appears fun, exciting, good or beneficial to us; but doesn’t allow us to see the hidden dangers of  accepting whatever he offered. Look how many people have been defeated by addictions… We have people who took a drink to calm themselves and never stopped. It destroyed their behavior and ability to function as God intended. We have people who used a drug to get through a college exam but ended up leaving college because the addiction took up all their time and money. We have people who kept the wrong company and chose to try a drug offered and spiraled downhill for years and still today fight the urge to return to that drug. When the thoughts presented themselves to these people the dangers were disguised…The help of whatever was ingested was more prevalent than the danger itself…

Self discipline is mandatory to obtaining being a person who is fearless.  Walking in the spirit allows us to self discipline much easier as we all need to remember it took a long time to become fearful and it takes time for God to lead us to being fearless.

In order to hold self discipline you must decide and be predetermined to walk in the spirit only.  (No straddling the fence.)

You must filter what your five senses are exposed too. (Touch, taste, sight, hearing and smelling) If you filter properly then let no part of you touch ungodliness. Don’t taste what the world offers. Keep your sights on things above not on whats around you. Stay in the word of God so you can hear the small ,still voice of God pressing directions on your heart.  Be vigilant by smelling what you are about to step into. The smell of upset and danger get stronger the closer you get to them…

Self discipline is the first step towards being fearless. you must be disciplined by filtering everything coming at you. Remember to fill yourself up with what you are wanting to come out of you. Because what goes in eventually comes out.

Some of you make the mistake of filling yourself up with darkness by what you partake in. Darkness is intended to destroy.  Right now darkness is destroying you on the inside through depression, anger, and the need to get even with those who mistreated you. You must rid yourself of the dark spirit you carry by repenting because if you are consumed by what you took in then it will come out and destroy the things you hold close. ( Family, intimacy, emotional stability, finances, health and relationships.) Once you rid yourself of darkness fill yourself with the light we as believers are meant to carry;  which is  love, peace, joy, contentment and all the other things God intended to have flow in you and through you. In order to change your habits you must change your intake…

Blessings,

Robin Worgull       Author of The Conflict Within  and The Right-Minded Woman