So many of us have situational circumstances interfering with our quality of life. Things such as marital, health, financial or emotional issues that prevent us from truly living and cause us to feel as if we are merely existing. We become discouraged easily as we can’t see a solution to our problem. Our problem has gone on for so long, that we count it as normal when in all actuality it has made life feel abnormal. We feel a deep void but lack knowledge on what we can do to remove the void. We seek distractions looking for fulfillment but life has become dull and pointless to many of you reading. A situation encountered robbed you of joy and hope once held. What was suppose to be and meant to be turned out entirely different than the anticipation held when it all began.
We tend to resolve our problems by looking for solutions. While looking for solutions is productive, sometimes our method of looking can be destructive. If we have health issues we seek a doctor. Financial issues we seek other work or curb our spending. Both of these are healthy solutions, especially if we are in prayer and leaning on the Lord to resolve our hardships.
Most of our marital and emotional issues begin with a lack of understanding. Anytime our understanding is weakened, our over analyzing is strengthened. We begin analyzing every word spoken, the tone used, body language and recall details involved such as smells, location, touch etc. This method of problem-solving is destructive. Why? Maybe because we are leaning on our own understanding of the situation itself. If we are going to go as far as analyzing all these things, it is because of a certain situation we took personally and experienced heartache in the process. Anytime our heart is involved, emotions run strong. Our emotions can mislead us into thinking things that are not accurate which is why this method is destructive when problem-solving.
The Bible tells us to hold our thoughts captive for a time in order to discern where those thoughts came from. When we fail to hold our thoughts captive, we become held captive by the very thoughts we think upon. Proverbs 23:7 reminds us that the way we think is how we become.
Most of us only think at the level of our own understanding. Our understanding may often be influenced by how we feel at the moment. If our emotions are running high then our understanding may be running low. My encouragement is to call the truth of every situation you encounter. The way we feel is not always the truth of a situation we are in.
To try finding a solution to our problem while under emotional distress, has us missing any logic needed to call the truth of how things truly are. Our emotions cloud our logic. When logic is clouded we tend to lean on our own understanding. Our understanding is the cause of our initial emotional distress, which is the primary cause of our marital issues. We must remove emotions in order to pull logic. I know, it sounds impossible but it is not. Hard? Yes, because we must hold discipline in our thoughts in order to hold discipline in our tongues. The words that come out of our mouths to our spouses, began in our thoughts…
Our thoughts determine if we are truly living or merely existing. See, negative thoughts lead to negative decisions, which are steps through this journey we call life. Our thoughts often throw us off course.
It is extremely difficult to keep our minds on things above when our sole focus is on everything going on around us. Things such as the demands associated with being married and having children.
A huge mistake a woman can make is allowing the demands to overtake her. We are meant to manage our homes while remembering everything we do, is to do be done to the glory of God. ( 1 Corinthians 10:31 ) So, to be overtaken by demands is our first indication we are trying to operate on our own strength or our own understanding, which ultimately throws us off emotionally. This causes us to feel frustrated or angry. Yet if we are caring for our family with the mindset of pleasing God, then we would seek His will over trying to obtain our own will.
It is hard to downshift by handing over control when we have demanded control for so long in our homes. We expect our homes to look a certain way, our kids to behave, expect alone time with our spouse and if rules are not followed, we become upset due to the control of the home being lost.
As a mother of four I use to pray that God would calm my kids, but the truth is, He showed me I was the one in need of calming. See, the mistake I kept making was comparing my womanhood to the women around me. I saw their lives in order and my life in chaos. I saw organized homes, well-behaved kids, and then when I looked at my life I just didn’t see where I measured up. It didn’t matter how hard I tried, my house always looked lived in while I continued to look tired. I couldn’t understand how these women had the energy to look flawless, have a clean home and still have well-behaved children. What were they doing that I wasn’t? How could I become that type of woman for my family?
When we look to the left then to the right and compare ourselves to others, we will never be happy with who we are as a person. We don’t need to try to be like others in order to hold what we think they have. We only know what they allow us to see. We don’t know what they had to go through to get to where they are. Keep in mind, sometimes the package looks perfect but the gift inside is broken…
In order to be a right-minded woman, we must not compare ourselves to others. God called us to be ourselves because He wants to use our unique ways for His glory. What we see as flaws He sees as potential. You were the perfect woman for your husband and the perfect woman to raise your children. No one else can do what you do for your family. Where you are right now is exactly where you are supposed to be. What you do with the time God grants you on earth, is the difference between making an impact in your families life or defeating them before they are old enough to leave your home. It is our duty to be a helpmate to our husband and an example worth following to our children. According to Psalm 90:12, our days are numbered and we have no time to waste on trying to be someone other than who we were called to be.
To be the right-minded woman who doesn’t allow herself to be overtaken by the demands around her, must quit listening to the opinions of others.
Ladies, we will always have opinions shared about how we should be living or conducting ourselves in our home, but not all opinions are accurate. Look at the source of where those opinions are coming from. If they are coming from friends in unhappy marriages or from a divorced and bitter woman, then those opinions may not be from a source you should be taking seriously. It is easier for people to look in from the outside and share what they see as the core issue than it is to be the receiver of what they see. It may be that they see something in you, that they themselves struggled with, but never conquered.
When we listen to the opinions of others and receive them as truths of who or how we are, then we begin trying to live up to the standards of their beliefs held. It becomes difficult to remain composed and calm when we entertain the opinions others hold about us. Most of the time, opinions are given but change drastically, depending on which emotion is felt by the one offering advice. See, in their thinking, they believe they are helping you. Are they really helping you, if you take everything they think as truths of who you are? No, this only puts you in constant conflict within yourself warring and questioning every move you make, hoping to not disappoint the trusted individual that you seek approval or acceptance from. You will find your days are spent trying to obtain the standard of living someone expects of you, but you will hear constantly how wrong you are doing it.
Ladies, some of you reading are so tired and emotionally exhausted because you work so hard to please those around you, but at the end of the day, you question why your needs aren’t met. If your day is spent micromanaging your household by nagging your husband or yelling at your kids, then no one will be comfortable approaching you to even notice you hold unmet needs. They will do everything they can to be away from your smothering ways. They will interpret your caregiving methods as anger instead of love. Keep in mind, you are the lady of the house, so to listen to another lady telling you how to run your home is your first clue that if you take what she says as truths, then you may be living for her approval. You can spend your entire life trying to gain approval, but if she truly approved of you, she would mind her own business.
In order to be a right-minded woman, you must keep a distance from opinionated people. Their views of you need to align with God’s views of you in order to even be considered. If their views don’t align with God’s views of you, then don’t entertain what is said. This alleviates you from trying to obtain approval that you may never receive. There are some people we aim to please who are unpleasable.
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